My grandmother was a very religious and compassionate woman. She had three sons, three daughters-in law and many grand children.
We all were brought up in a joint family and were living in the same house. My grandmother was totally in charge of taking care of us with help of maids. I remember before meals were served we had to wash hands, sit with crossed legs on the cloth mats outside the main kitchen, without shouting or making too much noise, waiting quietly until the service was done. If the food was not of our liking we were not supposed to shout or get angry with the cook or servants.
Once one of my older brothers became very unhappy and refused to eat food because the food he wanted was not being prepared due to negligence of the cook. That day we all saw that Grandma herself went in the kitchen and prepared the food what my brother wanted and we all ate very happily.
Next day Grandma asked all of us to assemble in her room which was quite big. (Actually this room was her second room which was mostly used for family gathering.) All of us brothers and sisters sat with her and listened to her very carefully. Grandma said, "the advice which I am giving you may not understand now since you are children but it will be useful in your life." To my brother she said, "Yesterday you were angry because the food was not of your choice. Most of us want to have things our way but it is not possible all the time. In that case we should have the capacity to understand the problem of the other person with whom we get angry."
According to my grandmother-
Anger is not a solution but is a problem in itself. Anger disturbs the atmosphere around us and causes more damage in relationships, leading to unhappiness, confusion and destruction. Generally it creates problems in one's personal life and harms the overall quality of one's life.
To control anger one has to learn how to make clear what is his/her personal need and express that need respectfully so that it may not hurt others' feelings.
Grandma taught us one sloka (verse) from the BHAGWAT GITA in which Shri Krishna tells Arjuna that when one gets angry he loses control of himself and breeds delusion; delusion breeds loss of memory of the true self. The loss of right memory causes decay of the discriminating faculty. From decay of discrimination, annihilation of the spiritual life follows.
"Krodhad bhawati sammoh: sammohat smriti vibhramh
smritibhransad budhinaso budhinasadtpranatsyati"
Four decades ago, we spent some time in the Aurobindo Ashram in Pondichery, India. The centre provides education from kindergarten to college. It has the faculties of Humanities, Science, Languages, Engineering, Technology and facilities for learning Drawing, Painting Handicrafts, Music and Dancing, Drama and Arts. There are also facilities for practical and manual work,and several libraries and laboratories. We stayed in a quite comfortable guest house and enjoyed their farms and gardens also.
One day one of the disciples came to the Mother (who led the Ashram) and told her, "I am confused and very disturbed due to my family problems. The unfulfilled desires of my wife and children's misbehaviour is causing too much unhappiness among them. Because of all this I am unable to meditate. What should I do? I feel I am incapable and losing my inner balance when I lose my temper."
Mother heard the disciple very patiently and replied: "Your frequent disturbance and anger is not a solution; it will cause more damage in your relationship with your family. First you should try to control your anger. Sit quietly, take it easy and relax. Do not do anything except focus on some positive aspect of your family. Meditate and chant "shanti" (peace) fifteen minutes every day. Try to practice this technique daily, this is the best tool. You will be able to transform the atmosphere of your house."
Our respected Guruji Satnarayanji Goenka who is our Vipassana Acharya (Teacher) also teaches us that you will not be punished for your anger, but will be punished by your own anger. Holding on the anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at some one else, yet you are the one who gets burned. If you feel your anger is out of control and disturbing your peace, go for a walk or talk with a close friend or teacher and get their advice. Sit quietly with crossed legs and meditate on your breathing. This will certainly calm your mind.
We cannot eliminate anger but we can control it. It is not necessarily inherited or even evil and we do not have to feel ashamed when it arises. It is a matter of seeing it as the delusion that it is, a distorted conception that paints a false picture of reality. It is negative since it leads to unhappiness and confusion.
Anger is a serious emotion, but it is often accompanied by ideas that if examined can make us laugh. So give yourself a break and try to be compassionate and calm down whenever you see anger is coming.
In my view, if we are aware and try sincerely we can overcome anger.
LOVE, LAUGH, LIVE LONG
God Bless all of us.
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