Grandmother's advice on anger

My grandmother was a very religious and compassionate woman. She had three sons, three daughters-in law and many grand children.

We all were brought up in a joint family and were living in the same house. My grandmother was totally in charge of taking care of us with help of  maids. I remember before meals were served we had to wash hands, sit with crossed legs on the cloth mats outside the main kitchen, without shouting or making too much noise, waiting quietly until the service was done.  If the food was not of our liking we were not supposed to shout or get angry with the cook or servants.

Once one of my older brothers became very unhappy and refused to eat food because the food he  wanted was not being  prepared due to negligence of the cook. That day we all saw that Grandma herself went in the kitchen and prepared the food what my brother wanted and we all ate very happily.

Next day  Grandma asked all of us to assemble in her room which was quite big. (Actually this room  was her second room which was mostly used for family gathering.) All of us brothers and sisters sat with her and listened to her very carefully. Grandma said, "the advice which I am giving you may not understand  now since you are children but it will be useful in your life." To my brother she said, "Yesterday you were angry because the food was not of your choice. Most of us want to have things our way but it is not possible all the time. In that case we should have the capacity to understand the problem of the other person with whom we get angry."

According to my grandmother- 

Anger is not a solution but is a problem in itself. Anger disturbs the atmosphere around us and causes more damage in relationships, leading to unhappiness, confusion and destruction. Generally it creates problems in one's personal life and harms the overall quality of one's life.

To control anger one has to learn how to make clear what is his/her personal need and express that need respectfully so that it may not hurt others' feelings.

Grandma taught us one sloka (verse) from  the BHAGWAT GITA in which Shri Krishna tells Arjuna that when one gets angry he loses control of himself and breeds delusion; delusion breeds loss of memory of the true self. The loss of right memory causes decay of the discriminating faculty. From decay of discrimination, annihilation of the spiritual life follows. 

"Krodhad bhawati sammoh: sammohat smriti vibhramh

smritibhransad budhinaso budhinasadtpranatsyati"

Four decades ago, we spent  some time in  the Aurobindo Ashram in Pondichery, India. The centre provides education from kindergarten to college. It has the faculties of Humanities, Science, Languages, Engineering, Technology and facilities for learning Drawing, Painting Handicrafts, Music and Dancing, Drama and Arts. There are also facilities for practical and manual work,and several libraries and laboratories. We stayed in a quite comfortable guest house and enjoyed their farms and gardens also. 

 One day one of the disciples came to the Mother (who led the Ashram) and told her, "I am confused and very disturbed due to  my family problems. The unfulfilled desires of my wife and children's misbehaviour is causing too much unhappiness among them. Because of all this I am unable to meditate. What should I do? I feel I am incapable and losing my inner balance when I lose my temper."

Mother heard the disciple very patiently and replied: "Your frequent disturbance and anger is not a solution; it will cause more damage in your relationship with your family. First you should try to  control your anger. Sit quietly, take it easy  and relax. Do not do anything except focus on some positive aspect of your family. Meditate and chant "shanti" (peace) fifteen minutes every day. Try to practice this technique daily, this is the best tool. You will be able to transform the atmosphere of your house."

Our respected Guruji Satnarayanji Goenka  who  is our Vipassana  Acharya (Teacher) also teaches us that you will not be punished for your anger, but will be punished by your own anger. Holding on the anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at some one else, yet you are the one who  gets burned. If you feel your anger is out of control and disturbing your peace, go for a walk or talk with a close friend or teacher and get their advice. Sit quietly with crossed legs and meditate on your breathing. This will certainly calm your mind. 

We cannot eliminate anger but we can control it. It is not necessarily inherited or even evil and we do not have to feel ashamed when it arises. It is a matter of seeing it as the delusion that it is, a distorted conception that paints a false picture of reality. It is negative since it leads to unhappiness and confusion. 

Anger is a serious emotion, but it is often  accompanied by ideas that if examined can make us laugh. So give yourself a break and try to be compassionate and calm down whenever you see anger is coming. 

In my view, if we are aware and  try sincerely we can overcome anger.

LOVE,  LAUGH,  LIVE  LONG

God Bless all of us. 

Vipassana Meditation

POWER OF SEEING INSIDE

These are stressful times we have around us and we all know how tough it is these days keeping up with all that we have.

We were introduced to Vipassana meditation by close friends in 1973. Since then we meditate using this technique in daily practice and longer courses. We have found remarkable improvement in our physical and mental health. It is a great Dharma.

Our respected Guru Satnarayan ji Goenka (in the photo above) teaches the remarkable technique of Vipassana meditation that our breath possesses a vast power, wisdom and is capable of guiding each of us to control our emotions and quietening our monkey mind. Everyone who was ever born came alive with their first breath.We all deserve to breathe. And breathe easily. It is our birth right.

Wisdom, health and peace are very forceful elements guiding each of us to enjoy very happy and productive lives.We are more energetic, less susceptible to sickness and disease and capable to perform our daily affairs more effectively and with greater clarity and ease.

Scientifically researched Vipassana meditation technique have proven effective in the education sector, lower-achieving and gifted students and teachers and administrators. Numerous benefits have been realized by individuals, schools, police departments, hospitals, corporations and prisons and other entities. I am sure this meditation improves living of all people of all around the world. Every day practice improve personal health, performance, attitude,increase confidence and over all well-being.

ALL WE NEED TO SEE OURSELVES WE NEED LENS OF AWARENESS.

" YOU MUST BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD"

----MAHATMA GANDHI

Lapsee a traditional Rajasthani/Indian sweet

As I mentioned cooking is my hobby. Most of the time I try to make some thing different in our meals.

But, today I remember old style family festival desert Since decades this sweet made and served on very special days. Like weddings, new arrival in families, birthdays, wedding Anniversaries.travelling day, Diwali (light of festival) Holi (festival of colour) and many more.

Lapsee is a delicious sweet dish as well as very healthy.This is made with cracked wheat,pure refined butter (ghee), saffron. green/brown cardamom and molasses.


To make this dish ingredients required as:

1 cup) cracked wheat
3 cups boiling water
1/2 cup liquid unsulphate molasses
3 tbsp. refined butter (ghee)
1 tbsp. cracked and cleaned freshly pound brown/green cardamom
2 tbsp cracked pistachios

Direction to cook

On medium temperature of burner put a medium heavy saucepan heat ghee add cracked wheat and continuously stir for 4/5 minutes add saffron mix it well lower the heat add boiling water and liquid molasses stir and mix it properly and cover. Let it cook on the low heat for 30 minutes however in interval stir it. when it is cooked wheat will be very soft and it will separate ghee and will look golden brown colour now add cracked cardamom half of the pistachios. Let it rest for a while on the hot plate at least for 10 minutes.Off the temperature of the burner.

Serve in a beautiful serving round bowl. Garnish with remaining cracked pistachios.

Generally this dish is served with main meal lunch/dinner.

communal peace and harmony

Life in India was much different in our time than it is now. Six decades ago, our village town had population of about twenty thousand with different castes, class and religious backgrounds; it also had agriculture-based economy. Just as other cities/towns were dominated by larger population, our town also had its own  cultural rhythm.

In our town and nearby villages, people with money who owned land had houses built from concrete. In front of the house, there were small shops that sold groceries, clothes, aluminium and brass utensils, plates and other useful household items. 

Village life was just like today's web - defined  by groups and communities. Above all, the extended families were also paid full attention. Often families would visit each other on occasions like marriages/deaths and some times on festivals. Moharam and Id were celebrated by Muslims but Hindus were also participating and enjoying both the events. Tajias were made with colourful paper and cloths on Moharam and a procession went through the entire town. On Id children were always enjoying special  "samiyan", a sweet made with rice noodles and with or without milk.  It was served with barafi (a type of Indian sweet).  Hindus were greeting their Muslim brothers and in the same way, on Hindu festivals like Diwali (festival of light) and Holi (festival of colour), Muslims were greeting Hindus. On Holi, Muslims were also playing colour with Hindus. Both communities were living in peace and harmony.

In this town education had its importance. There was a public school but not many students were attending; although village folk tried to send their children, not many attended because they had to work.

There were other schools as well, with good teachers, where the children of traders and merchants were educated. In these schools, both Hindu and Muslim children were educated together. There was a Sanskrit University where Brahmins were taught vedas and upanishads.  

    

simple community life

Today I am going to write about the simple and tasteful artistic life of villagers. Most of them saw the outside world differently. preferring the deeper value of  home, family and their small piece of farm land and mother nature. They were more relaxed living among their own community.

 

During the daytime men and young women worked in the farms. They took care of  the cows and sheep grazing there. In the evening they came back home, put the cows in the enclosure  (gowali), and gave them water, food and milked them. After cleaning their faces and hands, men use to come to their small courtyard and rested on beds made from coconut fibre rope and beautiful four coloured wooden legs. If there were small children in the house, they were put in their laps.  After coming from the farm young women gave help to their mothers in law. Generally the older women of the house were serving food to children and men.

After finishing dinner men washed their hands and mouths and talked a little with their mothers. After putting one white sheet called 'chadar' on the shoulder and  a local cap called 'pagari' or a Gandhi cap on their heads, they went out in the communal space called 'choupal', a place where village people used to meet, relax, smoke waterpipes called 'hukkas', and discuss common problems, punishments, marriages and so on. If someone was not behaving according to so called social rules, a hard punishment was decided by the local assembly ('Panchayat')  as community sense was very strong.

 

Village people did not worry what to eat and drink and what they should wear when meeting friends and relations. There was no show off.

I remember repeatedly our helpers were not turning up for work for a couple of days. One day with curiosity, I asked one of them how they manage without work for so many days? In a very relaxed way one maid replied they are not anxious for about tomorrow for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day's own trouble was sufficient for that day. 

At the end of summer and the beginning of the rainy season, most of the house roofs were repaired or changed  to prevent leakage throgh rain water. House walls were also coated with 'gara' (cow dung and mud mixed well with water). Some houses were decorated with faces and figures of cows, gods and goddesses from mythology.

   

Women were making hand made quilts with patchwork ,rugs with old torn clothes ('jajam'), applique work in their long skirts, embroidered pillow cases, bed sheets, cloth hand bags (used for travelling) and wall hangings and many more.

 

They were also making baskets with from a special local durable grass. The grass was first cleaned and coloured with different colours dried in the sun, then used for making baskets for storing fruit and vegetables and other uses. 'Dagaras' were made with bamboo which was used for cleaning grains and drying fruits and vegetables. There were many more uses. Later in the cities people liked these products. Now these products have great demand in export market.

 

Two times a week, Hat-Bazar were organised in the centre of the village town. Farmers brought their saleable products, and there were also small cloth merchants and glass bangle makers (chudiwala). Earthen pots ('kumhar') and many other household items and objects for entertainment were also brought and sold in this market.

Many people with family and friends were buying things needed for the house, especially young women were wearing colourful outfits were shopping glass bangles and other cosmetics. Old women were also enjoying meeting and chatting  with the shoppers buying a few kitchen utensils and vegetables.

  

When I am talking about vegetables, I remember how they used turmeric in their daily life.

Turmeric's natural properties are tremendous. Turmeric is one of the very important ingredient for Indian curry; its use gives good flavour and attractive colour and is good for digestion. We all use turmeric in rice pilaf. It has medicinal value to strengthen our gums. Villagers enjoyed its utility. Most women used facial masks from turmeric mixed with oat meal, almond powder, sandalwood powder. lemon juice and honey in milk.

 

This tincture has an excellent antiseptic value.  On hairline fractures, sprains and damaged tissues, plaster of turmeric with lime stone is good. Put a little butter and  spread turmeric powder on a nan roti (flatbread), warm it on a griddle, and tie onto any swollen places with a cheesecloth - this makes you feel better.  When suffering from a sore throat due to cold and running nose, before resting in bed at night, drink turmeric in a cup of milk and honey, which also reduces chest congestion

In this way, the village people were always were trying to find natural remedies for their daily health problems.

Village life

For many years we lived in this small town where we enjoyed all sorts of life.

We had big farms and orchards and flower gardens. I was very fond of nature and had good fortune to live in such a magnificent land.

Most of the small farmers were living with minimum resource at the same time in the town some of the families were quite rich and had big houses with all reasonably good comforts. My interest was to watch these small cottage living farmers as these types of lives was not existing in the big cities where I grew. Thus I was very keen to watch the villagers, farmers who used to live with harmony.

Four generations living together in small mud cottages, some of these cottages were hand painted with vivid colours out side the walls. The kitchen was the best clean place. Clean shining pans and utensils used to be hanged when they were not in use. The burners which were made with mud mixed with cow dung smooth just like dough and after every cooking these burners were coated with liquid of the same material. Both time fresh bread, rice, seasonal vegetables (if available) and lentils were cooked as far as possible no left over was kept.

The food was cooked with small branches of trees collected by children or the person who went for animal grazing in the forests. The children use to play out side either small village pond which was called (Pokhara) or in fields. No restriction was on children. No botheration going to school up to six/seven years age. The children were use to go with one adult member of the family to learn to graze cows, sheep and bring them back in the evening. Vocational training was started at the age of four to help grand parents or parents in their house hold works but no pressure on them.

I was very fond of reading and writing. Some of my quotations and recipes I will write in my next posting.

1 recipe very simple from villagers but fresh from their farms

Root vegetables

8 carrots

8 parsnips

1 small root(Jamikand)

1/4 cup home made unsalted butter

1 bay leaf

2 tsp course salt

4 tbsp chopped fresh green mint and coriander

Cut all the vegetables either long strips or 2 inches squares and wash properly

put them in a very cleaned skillet put all the cut vegetables and salt pepper and bay leaf cover with 4 cups of water and cover the skillet with lid or aluminium foil, when vegetables are cooked water should be thick and coat the vegetables.

Used to be taken with boiled rice.

City and small town life

There was a wide difference between my brought up and married life.

I was born in Calcutta a big city of India and brought up and educated in Bombay (Mumbai). Our marriage was performed in a city in Rajasthan called Bikaner. It was a memorable time. 

Many big business houses had their big heritage beautiful architectural Vallabhan sect. houses called (Haveli) These Aristocrat families use to come for holidays tired from businesses in big cities like Calcutta, Bombay, Madras etc. to take rest and relax come out of their hectic business life  care for their health and enjoyment at the same time look after the people of their family town. Always donating big chunk of their hard earn money for improvement of the town. 

But after marriage we were moved to a small town to look after family business. There I lived happily in our small town. But there was wide difference from city life coming and living in a small place. There was no proper lighting system only with private generator (Not 24 hours) maximum 6 hours or less)  lantern to save kerosene (after war scarcity of many things) we had to live with tiny lamps light in local language called (dhibia) some time  for  celebration or greeting special guests maximum lighting was done with Petromax gas lamps which was called it was filled with kerosene and there use to have bulb shape burner inside the lamp hanged with brass strings this lamp was covered with glass and after filled with kerosene helpers use to pump these lamps.Our court yard and verandas were shining with these big bright lamps. 

I used to be very happy and feel comfortable but with light insects and  and mosquitoes were in plenty. I was feeling because I like the light so too these creatures may also  happy to see their prey easily. No proper drainage,no water supply from municipality. Not many cars or public transportation system was available. But no pollution and  no problem of carbon dioxide.

One train was coming from city and same was returning in the evening. Latter the numbers of trains increased.

 We were few fortunate children with almost all modern facilities available. Our house was  the biggest with all own facilities but limited. My father in law was Gandhian (nationalist) It was his advise that we should try to live like  as average person of this small town. Our family was very respected. 

My father in law was self disciplined, progressive person with all ethical business norms carrying all Gandhi,s views in every day life. He was a big philanthropist in his own town. Created  small public hospital, Sanskrit university. Hindu temple etc. Constructed a house where farmers could come and stay free to sell their crop in the Market (called Mandi) Every year he use to invite  eye surgeon from Punjab to operate old poor people's cataract  and arranged new glasses for their eyes. Thousands were coming from small villages after 3 days they were sent back to their respective places.

The town was surrounded all beautiful green  paddy farms and  and mustard seeds. The land was very fertile almost all vegetables and tropical fruits were locally grown were  available in season.

He had paddy milling factories  in all the premises of the factories at gates rice was available  for needy.  He had great sense of  community.

Introduction

I am coming from a very traditional family - while maintaining our tradition I wanted to learn more about the world and admire  and enjoy mother nature. 

For this I wanted to  travel, meet people, and discuss their views on nature.

In  this blog, I will regularly share my views and some of my quotations and poems.